004 - Getting Into Bed

One of the things I do when I can't get a handle on a fictional lover, or tarot card, I imagine myself naked in bed with the person.  The trouble I had with Knight of Coin (R) is that no matter how I tried to picture the personality of Knight of Coin (R) I came up with a big blank.  It was like I was looking at someone so very close to me and so very very far away.  Someone I knew - but on the surface only.

This is what it looks like when the card representing me and the card representing ??? are in bed with each other:

Are you as unimpressed as I am?  Because, frankly, when I was doing my reading I just couldn't figure out who the hell Knight of Coins (R) was.  I am The Stars (R), someone who is undergoing a mental transformation of my sexual self moving towards full power of my feminine body.  To my thinking the Knight of Coin (R) is a formerly violent man who gave it all up for love.  I don't know any male with a violent past, or a violent inside.

I just so had to do a reading with the Knight of Coin (R).  I had to know who this is.  The answer really surprised me.

002 - Personal Reading

Layout: 6 Card Spread
Question: Personal Reading

Card 1: How I Feel About My Life Right Now

The Stars (R): The woman is a goal to be achieved, an ideal.  If her carnality arouses disgust, the love is not sincere or complete.


My Thoughts:  I've been struggling with developing a deeper eroticism with my characters, and between my characters.  It sucks being a third wheel between two (okay, sometimes more than two) people who don't really exist.

Card 2: What I Most Want At This Moment

The Tower: Symbol of erect and triumphant penis, passion and sensuality.  The precarious roof signifies that the level of excitement is inconsistant.

My Thoughts: I think this goes to #1 and #2 on my list.  Oh, and # 4 as well.  Also, think I'm pretty disgusted with myself.  I mean, personal best on the orgasms-per-day is 9.  And the last time that happened I had a really bad case of the flu.  The day before the bladder infection hit I was aiming to tie that number.  The Little Fool was playing me hard that day; I was caught up in his dreamy schemes, and not paying attention to that I couldn't stop the touching and the rolling orgasms.  It was a sure sign of a bladder infection.  I had to stop all play for a few days.  Frustrating when all you want to do is . . . well, you know.

Card 3: My Fears

9 of Coin: A pleasant surprise.  Positive and long-lasting situation.
My Thoughts:  Yeah, this is definately about the sex between Mark and Tippie not being hot enough.  But it's also about the sex in any of the stories never being hot enough.  What has that Little Fool been whispering in my ear all month?  Must improve written sex.  Only . . .

Card 4: What Is Going For Me

Justice: Fortune influences loving justice.  Commitment and trust are the personal qualitites necessary for a satisfactory solution to the problem.

My Thoughts: Oh, thank you Lady Justice!  Oh, and I should probably work more on the hot sex scene for The Messenger. 

Card 5: What Is Going Against Me

Knight of Coins: A violent man abandons the road to war to dedicate himself to the toils of love.  Contemptible waste of earthly goods, symbolized by coins thrown in the air.

My Thoughts: Who the f**k is this?????

Card 6: Outcome

10 of Coin: Changing fortune.  Courtship, projects.  Material goods are not enough.

My Thoughts:  Money is an issue right now.  I'm on a budget AND my account has been overdrawn for the last 3 months.  I've ben stressed about the bank closing it.  (Shhh!  Don't tell L'Imperatore!)  This is part of the reason why my Friday paycheck is already gone.  Part of the reason?  No, this is ALL of the reason there's no $$$ in my wallet.  *Sigh*  This card indicates that most of the issue is mental shit I've got to clear out.  Mental leads to physical and pretty soon I'll be in better standing.

001 - This is Me.

This Is Me:

Actually, that's the wrong way.  This is how I appeared in the reading: 

At least, for this reading this is me.  In case the picture isn't clear enough the woman in the tree is pissing into a pot.  Let's be clear: I've never been into golden shower games.  Although, honestly, the idea of a bull peeing on a woman, then screwing her has circled my brain for a story.  I personally have not experienced such a delight as getting pissed on by a bull.  Or peeing in a pot.  I have peed into a paper cup.  Once.  I was a kid.  We were stuck in a truck in a downpour.  There werent any other options.  One other thing: I'm not good with plants.  So me climbing a tree to piss in a pot would never happen.  I guess it's one of life's little experiences I'll be missing out on. 

Now I'm worried I will be missing out on this experience. 

Hmmm . . . wonder if the tree in the front yard is climbable.  Can I get into and out of it without the neighbors seeing?  Or the coyotes?  *Shudders*  Oh, the coyotes. 

Before I Start This Is A LIst of My Current Worries:

 1.  Bladder infection yesterday and today

2.  L'Imperatore wants wild bunny sex in the next 5 hours (Yes, we schedule it in.)

3. My latest fictional erotic conquest is Mark - an amputee with a penchant for erotic stories on tape

4. The bathtub is leaking again. 

5. I got paid on Friday, and it's all already gone.

6.  I just had two disgusting tasting sugar cookies

7. My sister is getting married and as of now I'm not invited.

8.  Mark's love is about to be kidnapped by The Others.

9.  Mark's love won't be kidnapped for another 3 chapters.  How the hell am I going to fill that space?

10.  Crap.  She gets kidnapped in only 3 chapters.  That's not enough space!

On With The Show!