008 - Meet L'Imperatore

You've met him already. 
As it turns out L'Imperatore was represented in my reading as The Knight of Coin (R).  You remember him, the formerly violent man who has given it up for love.  Remember?  Maybe this will jog your memory:

Some background on the reading I did for him:

1.  Did it at a mexican restaurant with one of the staff looking on.  It made L'Imperatore uneasy.

2.  He's not comfortable with viewing nudity or erotic anything out in the open.  He's a closet perv.

3.  He totally did not connect with the deck, or the reading. 

4.  L'Imperatore is also a Tarot reader, or likes to think he is.  He once worked professionally as a reader, but gave it up when something more. . . erm . . . non-offensive came along.  He still has over 20 decks in his collection.  Not that he's used them lately, and maybe never will again. 

How This Connects
When I did my personal reading, and the follow up exploratory reading, I was confused at first as to who the Knight of Coin (R) was.  The day after I did the readings I told L'Imperatore that he'd come up in the readings.  As natural habit I asked if he wanted me to read for him. 

He Said Yes
I think, though, he really wanted to say no.  But such is the psychologically castrated nature of L'Imperatore.  Momma controls it all, even the things he says, even though he's not lived with her for years.  Even when he doesn't want to. 

So I, in my eagerness, pulled out the deck and did a reading for him right there in the restaurant.  Erotic cards and all. . .

006 - The Kinght of Coin (R) Is . . .

006 - The Knight of Coin (R) Is . . .

On the way to breakfast I asked L'Imperatore if he thought himself a violent man.  His response was not as expected, and went against everything we'd spent the last decade discussing and/or hinting around in bed play as well as rememberences.  L'Imperatore said no.  No he did not think he was a violent man.

It's not my place to point out what I knew of him.  His violence, you see, was never put out there in his physical realm.  He'd never knowingly hurt a fly.  But such is the strangeness of a man subjugated to a mother and sisters who wished him to be as polite, refined, and of as delicate sensibilities as they were.  They might as well dressed him in lace and castrated him in the physical. 

L'Imperatore's dreams are quite a bit darker than they could have feared.  My imagination, though, does me quite well to remember that his observed nature is not towards violence, was never suffered for violence.  But underneath the charming politeness, puns and laugh-for-every minute storyteller is a man who wishes to be a perverse and dark lord.  So deep is that wish, that desire buried that when it surfaces it scares him.  And now . . . and now he is trying to convince himself those days are behind him. 

Such a shame.

I enjoy that darkness.

005 - The Knight of Coin (R) Mystery Man Reading

This is our bed:

Layout: 6 Card Spread
Question: Who the F**k is the Knight of Coin (R)???

How the Knight of Coin (R) Feels about His Life Right Now:

The Hanged Woman: Short-lived love.  The suitors deceive themselves into thinking that their prey is all theirs, unless they are happy with fleeting pleasure.

My Thoughts: This is an interesting card to pull.  It says the Knight of Coins (R) is focused on an intimate life.  What it still doesn't tell me is if this person is real or imagined.  There are two lovers in this card.  So maybe one of each?

What the Knight of Coin (R) Most Wants At This Moment:

10 of Wands: Uncertainty in managing the relationship.  Indiscretion.  Tiredness.

My Thoughts: This should be a confusing card to pull, but for some reason it started up a thought in the back of my head.  First thing is that the physicality of the card shows an uncertainty in bed.  Meaning that the partners may be into a certain amount of natural kink, they're not necessarily compatable together.  Too many arms and legs and the question is who is in control.  And, of course, that made me sit up.  This card, factored in with the Knight of Coin (R), suddenly made me quite suspicious that I knew who this is.

The Knight of Coin (R)'s Fears:

2 of Wands: Shyness.  Reserve.  First experience.

My Thoughts: And just when I thought I have an idea of who the Knight of Coin (R) is, this card pops up and scatters it all.  I mean, the person I thought it was is certainly no innocent.  He's got as much screwy with his erotic self as I do.  This is certianly a head scratcher!

What Is Going For The Knight of Coin (R):

King of Wands: Represents absolute power without questioning.  The weakest partner must succumb.

My Thoughts: And here it is.  I know exactly who this is in my life.  And I know now exactly how and why the Knight of Coin (R) came up for this person.  Yes, he's a real live living person.  And yes he's quite a physical presence in my life.  So let's see the rest of his reading, shall we?

What is Going Against the Knight of Coin (R):

The Lovers: If you have the joy of winning the favor of a young woman, or man, don’t be reticent but rather offer real proof of your passion.

My Thoughts: Considering who this is in my life, this card is not at all a surprise.  The person this represents is someone who cannot bridge the understanding that you can't buy my love (although the trinkets are nice) and that what I want from him is not a material good, but physical.  This is, regretfully, the opposite of what every other lover is this man's life has wanted, especially considering he's not built like The Fool. 

The Outcome for The Knight of Coin (R):

8 of Swords: React to adversity.  Self-confidence.  Do not give up.  Tiredness.

My Thoughts: Interesting to find tiredness rearing its head again.  When I think of who the Knight of Coin (R) is, I do think he's a tired man.  This is all mental anyways.  But it makes sense.  I'm quite certain I know who this person is, and their position in my life is a very powerful one.  Now I just need to talk to him, find out if he wants to know about this reading. 

004 - Getting Into Bed

One of the things I do when I can't get a handle on a fictional lover, or tarot card, I imagine myself naked in bed with the person.  The trouble I had with Knight of Coin (R) is that no matter how I tried to picture the personality of Knight of Coin (R) I came up with a big blank.  It was like I was looking at someone so very close to me and so very very far away.  Someone I knew - but on the surface only.

This is what it looks like when the card representing me and the card representing ??? are in bed with each other:

Are you as unimpressed as I am?  Because, frankly, when I was doing my reading I just couldn't figure out who the hell Knight of Coins (R) was.  I am The Stars (R), someone who is undergoing a mental transformation of my sexual self moving towards full power of my feminine body.  To my thinking the Knight of Coin (R) is a formerly violent man who gave it all up for love.  I don't know any male with a violent past, or a violent inside.

I just so had to do a reading with the Knight of Coin (R).  I had to know who this is.  The answer really surprised me.

003 - Who The F**K Is This????

This card really turned me around.  I mean, let's face it, a guy on a horse throwing money away.  I want to know that guy.  Who doesn't want a sugar daddy/mamma?  Of course the card is (R) so all this is in my head.  Simply put it's my thoughts saying this guy - whomever he is in my life - is throwing money away, is wasteful, and has turned away from an important part of what he was ALL IN THE NAME OF LOVE.  So, really, when this card showed I started trying to think of who I knew who'd do this for me.  Or who I thought should do this for me.


The other problem is that althought I do have L'Imperatore in my life this could also be one of the many hunky men I create, drool over, force into bed with other women/men/beasts.  *wicked grin*  I mean, let's face it, I have a very nice fantasy life.  So what was the possibility this card was about one of them?


I thought, well, I've got the cards out.  Let's find out who this is.  Simple enough.  Right?

002 - Personal Reading

Layout: 6 Card Spread
Question: Personal Reading

Card 1: How I Feel About My Life Right Now

The Stars (R): The woman is a goal to be achieved, an ideal.  If her carnality arouses disgust, the love is not sincere or complete.


My Thoughts:  I've been struggling with developing a deeper eroticism with my characters, and between my characters.  It sucks being a third wheel between two (okay, sometimes more than two) people who don't really exist.

Card 2: What I Most Want At This Moment

The Tower: Symbol of erect and triumphant penis, passion and sensuality.  The precarious roof signifies that the level of excitement is inconsistant.

My Thoughts: I think this goes to #1 and #2 on my list.  Oh, and # 4 as well.  Also, think I'm pretty disgusted with myself.  I mean, personal best on the orgasms-per-day is 9.  And the last time that happened I had a really bad case of the flu.  The day before the bladder infection hit I was aiming to tie that number.  The Little Fool was playing me hard that day; I was caught up in his dreamy schemes, and not paying attention to that I couldn't stop the touching and the rolling orgasms.  It was a sure sign of a bladder infection.  I had to stop all play for a few days.  Frustrating when all you want to do is . . . well, you know.

Card 3: My Fears

9 of Coin: A pleasant surprise.  Positive and long-lasting situation.
My Thoughts:  Yeah, this is definately about the sex between Mark and Tippie not being hot enough.  But it's also about the sex in any of the stories never being hot enough.  What has that Little Fool been whispering in my ear all month?  Must improve written sex.  Only . . .

Card 4: What Is Going For Me

Justice: Fortune influences loving justice.  Commitment and trust are the personal qualitites necessary for a satisfactory solution to the problem.

My Thoughts: Oh, thank you Lady Justice!  Oh, and I should probably work more on the hot sex scene for The Messenger. 

Card 5: What Is Going Against Me

Knight of Coins: A violent man abandons the road to war to dedicate himself to the toils of love.  Contemptible waste of earthly goods, symbolized by coins thrown in the air.

My Thoughts: Who the f**k is this?????

Card 6: Outcome

10 of Coin: Changing fortune.  Courtship, projects.  Material goods are not enough.

My Thoughts:  Money is an issue right now.  I'm on a budget AND my account has been overdrawn for the last 3 months.  I've ben stressed about the bank closing it.  (Shhh!  Don't tell L'Imperatore!)  This is part of the reason why my Friday paycheck is already gone.  Part of the reason?  No, this is ALL of the reason there's no $$$ in my wallet.  *Sigh*  This card indicates that most of the issue is mental shit I've got to clear out.  Mental leads to physical and pretty soon I'll be in better standing.